The Winner Takes It All
by LovelyJB
Summary: Tifa’s thoughts on why Cloud can never return her feelings. Songfic. Be warned, is anti CloTi.


_I don't wanna talk  
About the things we've gone through  
Though it's hurting me  
Now it's history_

It had been 5 years.

5 years since the moment our lives changed, 5 years since that fateful day when my best friend was taken away. The last time I saw her smile, the day I was scarred for life. She was gone.

Forever.

It was morning, and we were in her church. It was the one place where her presence was felt the strongest. I slowly walked to the altar where the bed of yellow and white flowers grew. I crouched down and moved my fingers gently on a fragile petal. The flowers were so beautiful and delicate, like she was. I felt a stab of sadness in my heart as I thought back.

She was innocent, and she didn't deserve to die in the way she did. She was so full of life and freedom, and she left so many people behind. I couldn't control myself any longer.

I cried.

"Oh, Aerith…" It really really hurt. She was the person who taught me so much about life, and now…she was gone. Gone forever.

I quickly covered my mouth and stood up, perhaps thinking I could escape the pain by doing so. It didn't work. I stared down at the flowers, each one of them reminding me of her.

A soft finger rose to my cheek and wiped away a stray tear. I looked over at the young man beside me. His mako blue eyes softened with sadness as he smiled feebly at me.

"It's okay, Tifa," he told me, the gentle look in his eyes calming me. I stared at him.

Strong as he seemed, Cloud Strife was more broken than I was at the moment.

He let out a deep sigh and bent down to the flowers. He started playing with them, a look of peaceful happiness on his face, something I haven't seen for a long time.

I walked over to the broken seats and sat down. I continued to watch him from the distance.

He's hurting so much from losing Aerith, it was clear to see. Even though he's living with me, as a family, I know he still felt so alone without her.

I know he loves her, and that's what hurts me even more.

_I've played all my cards  
And that's what you've done too  
Nothing more to say  
No more ace to play_

I can never replace her, even though I'm in with love him too. Everything we've been through together, none of it matters. He loves me, but he's just not in love with me. And I know that can never happen, no matter how much I pray.

We've tried to start a relationship, but it never works out. I just can't break down that barrier, that armor that protects his heart. He won't let me into his heart. He can't let me into his heart, because someone else had already claimed it.

_The winner takes it all  
The loser standing small  
Beside the victory  
That's her destiny_

Aerith has taken his heart with her. As much as I love her, I can't help but hate her for that. I wanted Cloud to be able to love me as well, but I guess he just can't.

Maybe Cloud and Aerith were just fated to love each other and only each other, no matter what.

_I was in your arms  
Thinking I belonged there  
I figured it made sense  
Building me a fence  
Building me a home  
Thinking I'd be strong there  
But I was a fool  
Playing by the rules_

Even though she's gone, he still wants to find a way to be with her somehow. I remember that moment when we were hanging off that cliff. He was holding me so close, I was happier than I had been, in the arms of the man I loved.

He had kept his promise.

But I was wrong, totally wrong to think so. Even though he was holding me, he still didn't speak of anything or of anyone but Aerith.

"A call from the Planet…The Promised Land…I think I can meet her…there."

I knew at that very moment I would never ever be able to compete with her for his heart, even though she's gone.

_The gods may throw a dice  
Their minds as cold as ice  
And someone way down here  
Loses someone dear  
_

Wow, life is so cruel. One moment, you think the man you love might be falling for you back, but then destiny takes a turn, and someone else comes in.

_The winner takes it all  
The loser has to fall  
It's simple and it's plain  
Why should I complain_

I'll admit it myself; it was true love. The way he looked at her, smiled at her, laughed with her. He was truly happy for the first time I had seen in a long time, and I wanted him to stay happy…even if it was with her. There was nothing I could do or say, he just couldn't see me that way. 

_Does it feel the same  
When she calls your name?  
_

He knows I'm in love with him. He knows, but he doesn't feel that way. He made it clear to me that he'd only see me as a friend, and maybe he just didn't want to hurt me.

_Somewhere deep inside  
You must know I miss you  
But what can I say  
Rules must be obeyed_

He told me he had a crush on me when we were kids. Heh, I never knew. I thought…that time in the Lifestream, when he got his memory back, he would remember all that again, that he use to feel something for me, more than friendship.

But I was wrong.

_The judges will decide  
The likes of me abide  
_

I've done things to him in the past that I sorely regret. Nothing I do can ever erase or heal over the scars I've inflicted on him, even though he tells me it wasn't my fault. But I lied to him, and so many bad things have happened because of my lies.

_Spectators of the show  
Always staying low_

It's funny. I think about the times when I tried to reveal my feelings to him. A little embarrassing, because he wasn't really getting it. Our friends did, though. They knew I had feelings for Cloud, but there wasn't really anything they could do to make him love me back.

_The game is on again  
A lover or a friend  
A big thing or a small  
The winner takes it all_

She died, he tried to move on. He tried moving on with me, but he was too confused. Was I ever going to be…just a friend to him?

Probably.

If he had feelings for me all along, we wouldn't be like this. If he had loved me and not Aerith, her death wouldn't have changed that. Not at all.

_I don't wanna talk  
If it makes you feel sad  
And I understand  
You've come to shake my hand_

I let out a soft sigh as Cloud stood up from the flowers. He may have been able to move on with his life, but his heart and soul was forever with her.

He still breaks down whenever I mention her, even though he's a lot stronger now.

I am a friend; I will always be there for him, no matter what.

_I apologize  
If it makes you feel bad  
Seeing me so tense  
No self-confidence  
But you see  
The winner takes it all  
The winner takes it all..._

He knows he's causing me to worry whenever he rides off on his Fenrir alone without telling me. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on, because I love him so much.

The way I am, lonely, and pining for a man who's in love with another woman. He says he doesn't want me to be this way. I don't want me to be this way either. It's not his fault, it's mine.

"Tifa?" I opened my eyes. He crouched down in front of me, so he could see my face. I tried to smile at him. He stood up and took my hand, pulling me to my feet. He turned back and stared back at the flowers. I saw a tear run down his cheek, even though he was smiling.

"She's always here," he muttered gently. "In this church. In our hearts." Subconsciously, he placed his hand over his heart.

I nodded, watching him sadly. He let out a silent sigh and started heading out the church door. I spotted a single flower in his hand as he left.

I looked back at the altar one last time. Aerith's spirit was here; maybe that was why Cloud always loved coming here. Her death doesn't change how he feels about her, and it doesn't change how he feels about me. I have to find the strength to move on without him, by myself.

Life's so cruel, isn't it? But that's how it always is. Even if I love him with all my heart and soul, nothing can change the fact that he loves Aerith.

I have to move on. I have to survive.

I smiled a little as I slowly walked towards the door. It isn't her fault he fell in love with her, and it's not his fault either. That's just life.

I envy you, Aerith, and Cloud is all the proof I need. I can't always get what I want, because no one can. I know that now…

Sometimes…the winner really does take it all.

* * *

**One of my all time favourites by ABBA. I thought that this song matched Tifa's feelings perfectly. In fact, I used all but two lines of the original lyrics. Hope you liked it! oxoxoxox**


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